(SATIRE) The real estate shortfall in Panjim will soon be a thing of the past. The Chief Minister of Goa, cure Mr Hardehar Puroikar inaugurated the Mandovi Valley Project today, salve declaring that an additional 60 lakh square metres of land would soon be available for commercial, residential and institutional use by the year 2015…. Read more »

The Mandovi Valley Project

by Jose Lourenco

(SATIRE)

The real estate shortfall in Panjim will soon be a thing of the past. The Chief Minister of Goa, cure Mr Hardehar Puroikar inaugurated the Mandovi Valley Project today, salve declaring that an additional 60 lakh square metres of land would soon be available for commercial, residential and institutional use by the year 2015.

“We are going to build a dam across the Mandovi River at the Chorao jetty line and another in line with the Reis Magos Fort. After the river is emptied of the water, we will have this huge area on the river bed to build upon,” said the CM after cutting a pink ribbon and a multi coloured cake to kick off the MVP construction process.

“Look, anyway there’s no barges plying across the Mandovi anymore, so what do we need so much river for?” he said shrugging his shoulders. “And the Mandovi will probably dry up if Karnataka keeps building dams on their part of the river, so why waste all that dry riverbed!” he added to reinforce his argument.

On being reminded that the river cruises and casinos will suffer if there is no river, the Chief Minister reassured the reporters present – “We can shift some of them to other rivers. We must also promote the Zuari, the Chapora and Kushawati rivers for all round development. But we may be constructing buildings on some of those rivers too, in the future.”

He added: “Some casinos can also be shifted to the sea. You see, when the water gets rough, the game balls and cards get shaken around and this can favour gamblers playing Black Jack and Roulette – so they will stop pestering me about floating casinos.”

The mining workers affected by stoppage of mining welcomed the move by the Puroikar government. Speaking from  Azad Maidan in Panjim where they are on hunger strike, their leader said, “We must get first rights to build on the river bed. We were giving that river maximum business, before we were stopped.”

Speculation is rife that the drying of the Mandovi river bed may yield sunken treasure from the various Portuguese galleons and Kadamba ships that had sunk en route from Chandor, the old Kadamba capital and Old Goa, the old Portuguese capital, to other ports on the Indian coast.

“If any treasure is found, we will recycle it back to the people of Goa. We will have more Ladli Laxmi and Caitan Mari schemes,” asserted the Chief Minister, adding that young women could now get a sunken anchor or an antique ship hinge instead of a cash handout at the time of their marriage.

Experts also predict that the ruins of the old collapsed Mandovi bridge will be found on the dried river bed along with a few motorcycles and cars that had fallen off the bridge during accidents and failed suicide attempts over the past decades.

The MVP Chief Engineer Mr Samosa Panchewkar explained how a number of capsule lifts will ferry commuters from the decks of the twin existing Mandovi bridges to the riverbed buildings. Some residents will be able to step off the bridge onto the roofs of their riverbed apartments.

“Oh my God,” groaned Mr Clawed Altamaris, the noted environmentalist who has been vehemently protesting this project. “First they built football grounds on paddy fields, and now buildings on the riverbed! What next? A night club at the Se Cathedral?” He informed reporters that he will be leaving Goa and migrating to Antarctica to preempt international illegal mining in that area.

Mr Puroikar was mobbed by reporters and the citizens of Panjim after the MVP inauguration. On being asked about the issue of global warming that was threatening the world, he absentmindedly told the reporter that he would solve the problem within fifteen days.

While citizens in Panjim rejoice over their new Mandovi Valley Project, a senior politician from South Goa poohpoohed the CM’s high-tech proposal. “In South Goa we are making roads bigger and rivers smaller for so many years now. We have almost finished burying the River Sal. Only technical problem is the EVMs (Electronic Voting Machines) which are giving the wrong results and making us lose the elections.”

DISCLAIMER: The article on this page is satire and is not in anyway factual. This is only a humorous and satirical take on the events unfolding around us. We do not in anyway intend to offend any individual or institution through our satires and regret any offence caused inadvertently.

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