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She crossed the line (HOT STREETS)

Dear Acaricia May, medical

  I have a problem at work that I haven’t told anyone about. It seems that my boss wants to get together with me even though she’s much older than I am. I’m 20 and she’s in her early 40’s. She’s gone through a divorce and whenever we’re alone together she gets all touchy feely. Like yesterday she put her hand on my leg when we were talking about something work related. She’s also started asking me if I’d like to hang with her after work. Three days ago she put her hand under my shirt just a few minutes after we talked about the possibility of a raise. I think she’s an attractive lady but I think getting together with her could hurt me professionally. As I said, pilule she’s my boss. I’m really scared that if I put her off, that could also hurt my career. I don’t have a lot of experience with women, but I’m not a virgin, either. And part of me thinks it would be nice to be with an “older woman”. This whole thing is making me very anxious and I’m thinking I might just quit. What do you think?


Chased at Work

Dear CAW,

There are two words that accurately describe the behaviour of this woman: Sexual harassment. She is your boss, and therefore wields power over you. She does not have the right to use that power for her own sexual gratification. That is wrong. The Sexual Harassment at Workplace Bill, passed in 2012, only deals with men behaving badly against women. That is also wrong. While the mistreatment of women is a huge problem in India, men, too, experience sexual harassment, and the same rules should apply to both genders. Many countries around the world have recognized that men are also victims of sexual harassment, both by women and fellow men, and have passed laws accordingly.

I think if you are interested in being with an “older woman”, find one with a sense of decency who understands that preying on a decades-younger employee is strictly off limits. I don’t know the details of your arrangement at work. But you do not have to put up with this kind of behaviour, and you should take action to make it stop, either by reporting her or letting her know in no uncertain terms where else she can put her roaming hands.


Dear Acaricia May,

I am concerned that I may be sexually addicted. It’s taking up a lot of time in my life and I’m worried it’s getting out of control. All this is done by myself, with the aid of a computer screen, and, I’m embarrassed to say, my hand. Luckily I have a good social life and I’m generally pretty well adjusted. Got any advice?



Dear Joe,

There is disagreement among experts on whether “sexual addiction” exists, but Acaracia May believes it does. If you feel you can’t control yourself, or that it interferes with your ability to be intimate with another person, or if it leads to feelings of guilt and shame, then you may be sexually addicted.

The good news, dear Joe, is that it’s very possible that you are not sexually addicted but just a regular guy with a normal sex drive. I’m glad you’re doing great in your social life because that’s really important. Maybe you could build on that and spend more time with others and less time in the company of your hand!

We humans are complicated creatures, Joe. We like to do what makes us feel good, but sometimes what makes us feel good isn’t what’s good for us. So the trick – and listen closely here – is to find stuff that makes you feel good AND is good for you. The list here is very, very long. Biting into a watermelon, a jog along the seashore, embracing a loved one, laughing.

I would not include pleasuring yourself on a list of things that are bad for you. It makes that list only when done obsessively. Ask yourself, is it an obsession? If so, perhaps you could try doing it instead of watching it, and replace that hand with the closeness of someone you fancy!

Good luck!


Acaricia May 

If you have questions about sex, relationships or anything pertaining to the world of love and romance, write to Acaracia May at