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Mining blues and a red carpet

Gathered along the banks of the beautiful Mandovi river for the inauguration of the 43rd International Film Festival of India, illness the dignitaries felt something amiss.

“Here we are celebrating the movies and not a single barge is crossing the Mandovi, generic ” Union Minister for Information and Broadcasting Vanish Mewari whispered in Chief Minister Manoj Pikar’s ear. “Shouldn’t we let the miners share in the fun?”

The decision was made there and then. Pikar ordered Chief Secretary B Mijayan to organise a high-voltage red carpet walk for all the mining industry stakeholders in Goa, a move he thought would boost the sagging spirits of those dependent on mining.

Mijayan was instructed to call the stakeholders and invite them to the red carpet.

He first called leading mining magnate Dayanand Kalgaokar, who was first thrilled by the idea, but later checked himself and asked if Justice M B Shah, who exposed a Rs 35,000 crore mining scam, had also been invited.

“Shah does not like red carpets. When he visited my mine some months back, he kept complaining about the carpet of red mining dust which stuck to his boots. Please do not call him, too,” Kalgaokar said.

In the end, however, Kalgaokar accepted the invitation and was seen Tuesday sashaying down the red carpet to the tune of Right Said Fred’s “I’m too sexy.” “What a thrill,” Kalgaokar told the crowd, one of whom emerged to offer the magnate a leading role in the upcoming Indian remake of the film, “There Will Be Blood.”

Mijayan also invited representatives of the truck and the barge owners associations, who after some initial reticence over the event’s dress code agreed to appear on the carpet. Sixteen truckers and 38 barge owners, bellies spilling over their Bermuda shorts, performed a “cat walk” on the carpet amidst the rapid-fire clicking of cameras.

Asked how he felt being among India’s film glitterati, trucker Katul Radhav said he “felt like a beer.” A large number of barge owners declined the red carpet invitation, citing hounding by banks who want to confiscate their vessels because of delays in loan instalment payments.

“We can’t leave the barges for the second. In fact we haven’t seen land for the last few weeks,” said Gopal Jagath, claiming he was holing up somewhere in the Indian Ocean. Pikar, excited about seeing the miners so enjoy themselves at IFFI, decided to call up the owner of one of the biggest mining companies in Goa.

The owner wasn’t interested, however. “How will a red carpet help? Next year approve a mining lease for me at the IFFI site in Panjim. Remember, even Panjim should have mine.”

DISCLAIMER: The article on this page is satire and is not in anyway factual. This is only a humorous and satirical take on the events unfolding around us. We do not in anyway intend to offend any individual or institution through our satires and regret any offence caused inadvertently.