Dear Acaricia May,
My girlfriend and I haven’t had sex yet. We’ve been together for a while now and know that we will so we’ve always taken it slow.
Lately, she’s been telling me how much she wants to have sex, and I want to, too. It’s just that she hasn’t had sex before (and I haven’t either). So, every time I try penetrating, she says it hurts her.
What can I do to give her the best first time she could have?
Also, I’ve given her orgasms well enough the times we’ve been in bed together. She loves it, and I love it. But, I want to know how I could give her an even better, more satisfying orgasm.
I want to make her (forgive my choice of words) ‘squirt’.
Please help me 🙂
I feel like an amateur.
Dear John Dee,
Well, first let me congratulate you on being a really nice guy. Everything about your letter, from the enthusiastic championing of her pleasure to your willingness to let your relationship flow at its own pace, shows that you have made a very good start on life’s sexual journey.
Now you have stated that you want to have sex and so does she. And what appears to be keeping you back is the pain.
Let me first state that there is absolutely nothing wrong with waiting more time before going forward. If you do this, be sure to savour every moment of the wait! Anticipation is one of the most exciting aspects of our sexual existence, so milk it for all it’s worth. Pet, touch, tease, entice, kiss, feel, lick… Let the heart rate rise to such as level that when it does come time to consummate your love, pain won’t seem like such a big deal.
And let me say a word about pain. You and your lover may not know this, John, but life is filled with both bad pain and good pain. The pain on our tongues after eating red chillis is an example of good pain, as are the folks in Russia who sit in a hot sauna and then jump into an icy lake, or the tears that fill our eyes when we see a movie that moves us.
You say you want to give her the best first time she could have. I cannot tell you how to do that. Only she can!
John, the secret to a good sex life is communication. Ask your sweetheart what turns her on, and do exactly as she says. The bedroom is not a place for inhibitions, so both of you have to be honest about your desires. If they’re somewhat off the wall, then you might want test the waters a bit before revealing them. You could, for example, present the matter in the third person (“I read about this chick who digs vibrators”) and see how she reacts.
Remember, female physiology is different from a male’s. We can have multiple orgasms, for instance, and many of us get turned on slowly, say, by a romantic evening, warm embraces or the gradual build-up of sexual excitement.
It’s OK if the things you like to do are not exactly the things she likes to have done. Just as long as each of you gets a chance to have your fantasies come true. Of course, when it all comes together simultaneously in a mutual explosion of pleasure, you’ve hit the jackpot!
Please write to Acaricia May with your questions about sex at firstname.lastname@example.org