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To rub or not to rub

Dear Acaricia May, case

I am a 35 year old man, happily married. Our intimate life is great. I think one of the best parts of our relationship is the massage that I give my wife at the end of a hard day. I, too, get tired from work, but somehow the joy of giving a massage to my wife refreshes me. She of course enjoys it greatly, and some great sex inevitably follows, though sometimes we just fall asleep after the back rubs. The problem now is that my wife has been bragging about my hand-on prowess within the family. Her elder sister who has been widowed some years back has requested me to give her a massage, something that my wife eagerly recommends. I know she wants to make her sister happy. To complicate matters, the sister is an attractive lady, even in middle age, and I am a bit worried about how the whole thing will go and if the massage leads to other complications. It all feels a bit awkward. Should I refuse, saying that the backrubs are exclusively for the wife? Or perhaps my wife could be present during the massage? Should I recommend her a good massage therapist?


Xavier – Mapusa

Dear Xavier,

If your wife has no objections to you giving her sister a massage, neither do I! Many massages are completely non-sexual. Nowadays, professional massages are often performed by members of the opposite sex. Of course, this is all up to you. As the masseur in demand, you are within your rights to choose who to service and who not to! Whatever you decide, keep it light. Keep it fun. And thank your wife (who sounds like a kick!) for complimenting you on your magic hands.


Acaricia May

Dear Acaricia May

 I have a 14-year-old nephew who is quite good at studies and other activities at school. But he comes across as quite delicate and almost feminine in his behaviour. He is very attached to his male friends and enjoys their company, but doesn’t seem to show much interest in girls. He likes art and loves to do needlework, of all the things. I am not homophobic, I have three acquaintances who are gay, but I am a little worried about tackling this issue within my family. How do I know if my nephew is gay? How do I advise his parents if he is? His mother is rather conservative, his dad shares my liberal approach. I know these are early years, but some advice would be much appreciated.


Uday R – Ponda

Dear Uday,

At 14 years old, this boy may not know himself whether he is gay or not, let alone divulge it to you. The important point is not to find out whether he is gay at this tender age, but to make sure he is accepted if he turns out to be. Our world has come a long way since the days when homosexuality was considered a mental disorder. Now experts worldwide concur that homosexuality is not a choice, but a biological mandate. In other words, it’s how we’re born. Therefore, it follows that people who are gay should be treated just like everyone else, as we do not ‘choose’ to be gay any more than one would choose to be Indian or tall or male. The proper approach is to accept and love your nephew no matter what, and to work to make sure that every member of the family does the same. Because of outdated societal attitudes, gays often face rejection and abuse that can be terribly damaging to self esteem and mental health. Make sure that doesn’t happen to your cherished nephew.


Acaricia May

If you have any questions about sex, love or relationships, write them in to Acaricia May at



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