“But Your Honour, viagra 60mg there is no disturbance.”
“I know. I just like to say that and then hit the gavel like this.”
BOING!
“Your Honour, I represent the State in this case.”
“Are you that guy Aires Rodrigues is constantly writing about? The Attorney General who is paid more than the Prime Minister and President of India combined?”
“No, buy Your Honour. The Goverment of Goa has hired me to represent them only for this case. My name is Advocate Praveen Naik. ”
“Your name is Advocate? Ha! Let it be. Ok. And who are you?”
“I am the petitioner, Sir. My name is Tony De Sa and I am petitioning the Court that the new order banning the consumption of alcohol on beaches is not only un-Constitutional but it goes against our Goan ethos.”
“Are you a qualified lawyer?”
“No Sir, but I watch The Practice and love movies with courtroom drama and…”
“Ok! Ok! De Sa, state your case. And it’s Your Honour, not Sir.”
“My Honour? Sir?”
“Oh forget it just go on! Order! Order!”
BOING!
“Sir, there are some very basic flaws in the Act. Firstly it bans drinking only on beaches. If the Government was serious it would ban drinking in all public places, as it has done with smoking. No drinking at bus stops, on roads, in stadiums, parks, – wherever.”
“What have you to say, Advocate Naik?”
“Good point Your Honour. I will put this option forward to Government.”
“Secondly Sir, the Government’s argument is that tourists break alcohol bottles on the beach which causes a problem. Sir, they might be a few stray incidents but in general a person might just discard an empty bottle on the beach, but not break it.”
“But Your Honour, even empty unbroken bottles on the beach are a hazard.”
“Sir, all littering in any form anywhere is a hazard to human and animal life. Why aren’t there adequate segregated garbage cans on the beach? Why just beaches? What about markets and cities in general? Take Panjim for example. A few years back some misguided and misinformed activists went on a Bin Free Panjim campaign. All public waste bins were removed. The logic was that garbage was being collected from your doorstep so public bins were not required. What total lunacy! What about all the tourists and visitors to the city? What do they do with their empty bottles and sachets and bags? How can you have a Bin Free city or beach? Where do visitors throw their garbage? First you must have adequate bins. Then you can impose strict laws against littering. Not the other way around. Empty bottles is about littering, not about alcohol!”
“Naik?”
“Yes Your Honour. I will advise Government on this point.”
“Go on De Sa?”
“Another point, Sir. The law was passed apparently to also stop women tourists from being harassed by drunks. But strangely enough the law allows one to drink in designated licensed areas like shacks etc on the beach. A drunken man who harasses women is a drunken man who harasses women. Whether he drinks on the beach or in a shack. If a man is harassing a women, anywhere, he should be pulled up and charged for that offense, whether he is drunk or drugged or dead sober and just plain obnoxious. That calls for an alert public and proper policing. Stopping consumption of alcohol on beaches is not the solution.”
“Good argument. Naik?”
“I agree Your Honour, I will raise point with Government.”
“One last point Sir. Drinking on the beach is also part of our Goan culture.”
“What?! Order! Order!”
BOING!
“Sir, as you are aware every Goan goes for a beach picnic at least once a year. It is a tradition. Whether a family picnic or a club picnic or a chapel picnic or a sport team picnic – an annual picnic is compulsory. ”
“Get on with it, De Sa!”
“For these picnics Sir, we carry our own food and beverages. We are Goans, Sir. We are within a few kilometers of our homes. We don’t have to depend on shacks for our snacks and definitely not for our drinks. Why should I pay exorbitant touristy prices at shacks for my food and drinks when I can get my food and drinks from home?”
“I don’t know where you’re going with this argument De Sa, but Naik, do you have any objections?”
“I am totally in agreement, Your Honour. In fact we normally prepare a big handi of spicy Chicken Xacuti and carry vegetables to make fresh salad on the spot.”
“And Sir, we sing songs like Bebdo, Voddekara, Tambdem Roza, Kai Borolo Komblo, Undir Mama, Besame Mucho, Brown Girl In The Ring, Down By The Riverside, Ie Ie Katrina, My Bonny Lies over the Ocean, Jimmy Jimmy Moga, By The Rivers of Babylon, Susana, Take Me Home Country Roads and Aptun Doptun Gho Cheddvan Danttem Mandilem.”
“And Your Honour also we sing Hi Pori Konnachi, Knock Three Times, Top of The World, Claudia, Sweater Kori, Like Strangers, Angelo, I Never Promised You a Rose Garden, Mog Tuzo Kitlo Axello, Oh Carol, Amerikak Pauxi, Beautiful Sunday, Bombay Meri Hai, Clementine, But You Love Me Daddy, Old Mac Donald, Pontius Pilate King of the Jews and Ramaya.”
“Enough already! And stop that humming in the courtroom!”
BOING!
“Sir, sorry I got carried away, as did my honourable colleague. The point I am trying to make is that we have to cover so many songs in so many languages and genres that we need alcohol to wet the tongue and lubricate the larynx.”
“Also Your Honour, when one is sober it is difficult to remember lyrics but with just a little alcohol words are coming like nothing!”
“And Sir. We Goans carry our own alcohol to the beach. The older folks will have some Caju or Palm Feni and the youngsters might have some Urrac. We carry our own bottles and take them back for re-use. We Goans don’t throw bottles on the beach.”
“And Your Honour since we bring our own womenfolk to picnic, we don’t have to harass tourist women. We are self-contained in our harassment. And Goan men don’t swim in the sea. We just wade a bit in shallow water and return to the picnic area to continue playing cards. So there’s no question of drowning deaths.”
“So are you saying that Goans should be allowed to drink on the beaches?”
“Yes, Sir!”
“Yes, Your Honour!”
“Naik, whose side are you on?”
“Sorry Your Honour, I got carried away.”
“See even if we made the no-drinking law only for non-Goans it would open another can of worms. Identity Cards for all ethnic Goans. Domicile certificates. All that nonsense. In principle I agree with you that Goans do not cause problems when they drink on the beach but how do we identify who is a Goan and who is not?”
“I have a simple solution Sir. Sniffer dogs.”
“What? Dogs can sniff out who is a Goan and who is not? Order! Order!”
BOING!
“No Sir. What I mean to say is that sniffer dogs can be used to identify the alcohol that is being drunk. The strong smell of Feni or Urrac is a dead giveaway. If they are not drinking Feni or Urrac then they should be arrested immediately. They are obviously not Goans and should not be allowed to drink on the beach!”
BOING!
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DISCLAIMER: The article on this page is satire and is not in anyway factual. This is only a humorous and satirical take on the events unfolding around us. We do not in anyway intend to offend any individual or institution through our satires and regret any offence caused inadvertently.
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