Dear Acaricia May, doctor
I’m a 19-year-old student interning at a PR firm. I recently slept with a guy at work and he hasn’t paid any attention to me since then. We’re not on talking terms at all. I’m confused, shop considering we had this flirty sort of thing going on for a while. I can’t stop thinking about him and his strange behaviour is making me crazy. Help!
Rukmini (not my real name), Panjim
It seems Mr. Love-her-and-leave-her doesn’t deserve the emotional energy you are spending on him. I suppose the experts would say that I, as a sex and relationship columnist, should refrain from giving you direct advice on this matter, but rather help you understand your feelings and reach your own conclusion. To hell with those experts. Honey, the guy’s a jerk. Move on!
Dear Acaricia May,
My problem is that I love two guys. One is my ex-boyfriend who wants to come back to me, the other is my current boyfriend. Both of them are wonderful, but I feel more attached to my ex. We broke up because he didn’t want to commit to a future with me and my current guy can’t wait to settle down with me! I can’t make up my mind.
What is it about us human beings that makes us love the unattainable? Why do we want what we cannot get? No doubt the reasons for your stronger feelings for Boyfriend No. 1 are varied and complex. Still, it’s worth asking that if Boyfriend No. 2 were the one shunning commitment, would he come out on top as the object of your affection? Whatever’s behind them, the feelings are your feelings and they can’t be turned on and off like a lamp switch. Take a look at what I wrote to Rukmini. I know I’m not really supposed to tell you what do to. I’m supposed to help you find out for yourself what’s best for you. What if I told you to go back to your ex and he made you miserable? What if I said choose the loving fellow who wants to be your husband and he made your life as a dull as a doorknob? Christina, Stephen Stills sang, “If you can’t be with the one you love, honey, love the one you’re with.” Today I think I’ll ignore sex columnist convention and tell you exactly what to do. And it’s a variation of Stills’ song. You CAN be with him, so love the one you love!
If you have questions about sex, relationships or any other matter relating to the heart, please write to Acaricia May at firstname.lastname@example.org