Curmona breaks away

by Jose Lourenco

SATIRE

A tense situation prevails in Goa as a faceoff between the Government forces and the sleepy village of Curmona in South Goa is imminent any time this week. The tiny village on the coast of South Goa shocked the land of sun, illness sand and sorpotel on Tuesday by declaring that it had broken away from the State of Goa.

On Tuesday noon, nurse a registered letter received from a Mr. Mephistopheles Margarida dos Miranda Mergulhao, claiming to be the President of the Independent Republic of Carmona, informed the Chief Minister that owing to the never ending mega projects and road-widening imposed on them, the citizens of Curmona would now form their own country.

The Chief Minister Mr Puroikar reacted with shock. “Independent Republic of Curmona! After all the schemes I have offered their housewives and old people!” Then he laughed hysterically for twenty minutes along with his Cabinet ministers. After wiping his eyes he drove down to Curmona with a posse of policemen. The entourage was however not allowed to enter the village as the village womenfolk chased them away with brooms after slapping a few brave cops who had infiltrated the barricade of tree branches and old abandoned Fiat cars placed across the road.

A hastily summoned troupe of Home Guards who tried to attack the village at night also fled at the sight of cannons on the porch of the church and the sound of tremendous explosions. The next morning they discovered that the cannons were actually coconut tree trunks accompanied by khozne, the local gunpowder ‘bombs’ traditionally used for the church feast.

Curmona now becomes the third village after Vaca de Boca and Keri to break away from the State of Goa, which is the smallest state of India, now having become even smaller. Vaca de Boca had seceded because the government had refused to allow bull fights, dhirio in local parlance. Kerigao, poised at the northernmost tip of Goa, had been receiving generous offers from neighbouring Maharashtra to join that state, but the village decided to go it alone, turning Tiracol Fort into its capital. Curmona has already established diplomatic relations with these two micro countries, with an eye on forming the Commonwealth of Cajufeni Countries.

“We will be cutting off their water, electricity, phone and Internet connections,” raged a furious Puroikar at a news conference, his ear still red from being pinched by a fisherwoman from Curmona .

The President of IRC, Mr Mergulhao, known as Meffy to the villagers, put up a defiant front. “We have enough wells in Curmona for good drinking water, not like the polluted wells in the CM’s constituency,” he snorted. “And our boys in the Gulf and on ships will be sending solar panels for electricity. Only Internet is a problem, so we will be training crows to carry our messages.”

On being asked about the sovereignty of Curmona, Dr. Bandhkamar Kantak, an authority on international rogue states said, “The Balkanization of Goa is inevitable. Our villages are so diverse. Our Konkani dialect differs from village to village, even vaddo to vaddo. With all the panchayats passing resolutions on Mopa airport, garbage, house tax, Regional Plan, global warming and meteor collisions, this was bound to happen.”

Mr.Pundalik Sungtancar, the Prime Minister of Curmona, announced the naal (coconut) as the new unit of currency, taking the country back to the days of barter. “This is the return to the glorious days of gaunkary,” he said. “Enough of this federal nonsense.”

“What do we need an army, navy and air force for?” he retorted to a query. “We have applied to the United Nations for protection. If tiny countries like Luxembourg and East Timor and the Vatican and even Japan can manage without armies, so can we. ”

According to the Secretary of State, Ms. Santa Maria Dolorosa Fernandes, Prime Minister Sungtancar personally phoned the United Nations asking for recognition, but was informed he had dialled a wrong number. He then dialed the correct number and spoke eloquently for 25 minutes about his new nation until he realized that the voice on the other end of the line was an answering machine.

The ex-MLA of Curmona was last seen aimlessly wandering the corridors of the Secretariat, alongwith the ex-MLAs of Vaca de Boca and Kerigao.

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DISCLAIMER: The article on this page is satire and is not in anyway factual. This is only a humorous and satirical take on the events unfolding around us. We do not in anyway intend to offend any individual or institution through our satires and regret any offence caused inadvertently.

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