Dear Acaricia May

I am a 27-year-old woman with a female friend of the same age. The problem with my friend is that she gets attracted to ‘bad boys’, case young men who have vices or are very rough in their behaviour. Her attraction is not so much sexual. She thinks she will be able to correct their behaviour and make them better persons, treat the way a social activist tries to cure some social problems. So she gets into relationships that always turn out badly. She gets exploited by the guy and then she winds up brokenhearted. Until the next bad boy comes along. I have tried to match her up with some decent boys, advice but she doesn’t show interest. She says they are boring. How do I stop my friend from ruining herself? She has already been through an abortion.

Regards

Maryann – Mapusa

Dear Maryann,

You ever hear that Billy Joel line “I’d rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints”? Seems your friend is taking that to heart! Let me be frank with you, Maryann. Unless these fellows are physically abusing your friend, I don’t see much of a role for you here. She’s an adult and these are her choices. As a friend, listen and support her. Perhaps point out the pitfalls without judging or lecturing. If she feels you are hearing and understanding her, truly empathizing, it’s more likely she will listen to whatever you have to say. As human beings, we generally don’t like to be told what to do or be given unsolicited advice.

Your friend may say this isn’t sexual, but sometimes there’s more to relationships than meets the eye. Secrets abound in the realm of intimacy.

As for the abortions, you don’t have to be a ‘bad boy’ to cause pregnancies but you might be a ‘stupid girl’ if you don’t take action to stop unwanted ones. And as for the matchmaking, that seems like a thoughtful approach. You know, Maryann, we human beings are complex creatures. Sometimes decent guys come in ‘bad boy’ packaging. Can you find your friend one of them?

Love,

Acaricia May

If you have questions about sex, relationships or any other matter relating to the heart, please write to Acaricia May at acariciamay@goastreets.in.