Love Advice from Acaricia May
Dear Acaricia May, cure
I am a 23-year-old woman from a traditional family in love with a 27-year-old man from a family that has a more free-spirited view of life. I think maybe that’s one of the things that attracted me to him. He’s really fun-loving, ailment is willing to try anything and loves to turn life into some kind of adventure. He (I’ll call him Simon) always makes me laugh. We do things like hang out at the beach and go to parties. Sometimes we stay out late together. Considering what we’ve been through together in the love department, I’d say at this point we probably could have written our own version of the Kama Sutra or something. Let’s just put it this way. Our relationship is hot. Red hot. I love him so much I don’t know what to say. I think about him all the time, and literally count the minutes before we’ll see each other again whenever we’re apart. Now here’s the problem. My family thinks Simon’s a good-for-nothing jerk. They think he’s a terrible influence on me, and that he’s corrupting me to the core. Fortunately, I can always point to his accomplishments and standing in the professional and academic communities, which is very high. Simon’s a high achiever (chemical engineer) and everyone – from professors to bosses to anyone else who comes in contact with him – thinks he’s great, just like I do. Two weeks ago, Simon asked me to marry him. He said he wants to elope, and forget about asking for my parents’ blessing, since we already know the answer. I decided I couldn’t do that, and I told my parents about the proposal and that I want to marry Simon. My mum’s response: “It’s him or us. You choose.” I’m sick about this. Just sick. What do you think I should do, Acaricia?
Gloria in Panjim
You sound like you found yourself a winner. A smart, high achieving young man who also happens to be a whole lot of fun. Sounds like a recipe for a strong relationship. Congratulations! Now for the hard part. Dealing with your folks. Here’s what I might say, if I were you. “Mum, Dad, you know how much I love you. You know that I would go to great lengths to avoid hurting you, and protecting your feelings is very important to me. But my own life and happiness are also important. I want my relationship with you to be based on love and mutual understanding. If you make me choose between you and Simon, I cannot guarantee I will choose you, because from him I am getting laughter and love, and from you I am getting bitterness and ultimatums. But you have raised me to have a big heart, and I know that what you’ve said and done is because you love me and want what’s best for me. In time, I know you will come to love Simon just like I do. Please give us a chance.” Gloria, the paths we choose in life are not necessarily “right” or “wrong”. They just lead to different places. Follow your heart, kiddo. It will guide you well. And good luck!
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